by Ken Follett
Dutton (Penguin) 2010
First Sentence: On the day King George V was crowned at Westminster Abbey in London, Billy Williams went down the pit in Aberowen, South Wales.
Worst sentence: This was how the world appeared on the second day of Creation, Billy thought…
Even worse-than-that sentence: Inside the room there was even less to look at.
Gratuitous words that let you know this is historical fiction: gramper, underdrawers, mam, diphtheria, whooping cough, dram (“one of the wheeled tubs that carried coal”), moleskin, skullery, bath night, Ethel
Alternative uses for this book: 1. use to beat children (when they ask for more porridge), 2. use to beat grampers (when he asks for a new wheelchair), 3. flotation device (in the event of water landing, if you survive, which you won’t), 4. insulation
First, if you don’t already know that Westminster Abbey is in London (England) then put this book away now and go check on your baby, because the thing is likely dead in the tub. Remember: a baby can drown in even an inch of water.
Second, if you already knew that Aberowen was in South Wales put this book away because you will feel pandered to. (I thought it was in North Wales, but I was actually thinking of Blaenau Ffestiniog, which is a mistake everyone makes.)
The first character we meet in this book is Billy Williams. That would be William Williams as his Christian name. It’s as if Ken Follett was thinking up character names, and, realizing he has already used every other name in the world in his nine hundred other works, he thought “William….” then got stumped and said, “Aw fuck it. Good enough,” then went for a swim in his money pool.
The second character we meet is Willy William’s father, who he calls “Da”, which is probably a typo caused by Follett’s noiseless typewriter, and therefore the most important artistic contribution to his 5.5 million page oeuvre, or possibly a Welsh dialect. I don’t have time to check. I’m busy.
That’s the first three sentences.
The three pages that follow are mostly description of the poor miners’ humble home, introduction to some issues of masculinity and manhood, and some other stuff I can’t even remember or care to.
The back flap has the following paragraph, by the publisher: “In future volumes of The Century Trilogy, subsequent generations of the same families will travel through the great events of the rest of the twentieth century, changing themselves and the century itself…” I admire Mr. Follett for taking on such an ambitious project. Too bad he writes like an illiterate homeless man with AIDS. Looks good in a tie, though. A little bit better than a homeless man with AIDS. Also, how does he already know it’s a trilogy if he hasn’t even written it yet? Explain that, Mr. Follett!
Other reviews: Sam Still Reading, Bippity Boppity Book, The Lit Witch
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Shitty Reviews is an apt name for this review.
Wow. You are an absolute loser. It’s a STORY…. Stop taking it so seriously. Also, if you had a money pool you’d be swimming in it too, rather than wasting time being jealous of KF.
this is so bad it’s hilarious- though
I can’t believe I paid 25 bucks for it!
Hilarious. I loved the book.
Your “review” is the worst nonsense ever. You’re most likely suffering from PMS and plain negativity. I doubt you’re ever happy with anything in your life. Thank God you’re a rare species.
Worst of all, it’s boring.
Did you only read the first few pages then give up? You are no literary critic to be sure!
Its good!!!!!
It is a great book. I am reading in portuguese and as soon as I finished it I will read in english. Great book – oustanding job – Congrats!!!
I thought your review was hysterical, especially the bit about where Aberowen is located. (cf Follett’s website re Errors and Omissions)
I am reading it now and can’t put it down. This review is sounds personal. The piss-on who wrote it likely has some shitty authoring issues of his own because his ugly head is definitely rearing. Great book. Recommended.
Your review was a waste of my time. What an ignoranus! (Ignorant and an a*****e). And now I’ve wasted more time telling you you’re an ignoranus. Doh!
Damn good books, get over yourself. Maybe become a yelp food critic u self absorbed boondoggle
LOVED this book and the series – your review has taught me one thing though. I will never waste my time returning to this page again – have a miserable life, as I’m sure you always will…. 🙂
My mother was English and “Da” was in fact what fathers were called. You your self should try reading something before spitting your vile, but then you’re SO busy.
Seriously. It is not the absoutely best book ever but it is pretty awesome. so I say to you, in a Welsh accent; are you fuckin serious?
Totally excellent review. It made me laugh so hard that my piles descended and burst and I was rushed into hospital. When I came around from the horridly painful and ugly operation, I found myself in a bed and next to the bed was a copy of this book. I initially used it to raise my left leg up so I could squeeze out a sneaky fart easier, and then I read it.
It’s good. Not as entertaining as this review, and it is pretty bias concerning Jews (never mentions a bad one, but lots of defensive comments).
Worth a read if you have strong hands to hold up it’s enormous weight and oodles of time to devote to it, without sleep in places.
You don’t know shit! Give it up!